First Impressions NOT always lasting

I have always been guided by my first impressions because they have normally been on the money.  In my personal life that is the case - I didn't always follow my own instincts, but in the end was always right.    Unfortunately there are times when people just let you down - and that has nothing to do with first impressions.  Maybe it just has to do with people not living up to your expectations.    Sometimes you need to lower your expectations! 


In business I've found that's the case.  Not everyone has the same work ethic as you do so it's not fair to judge everyone by the same "yardstick" so to speak (or should I say light meter?)?    I think we find after working with people (co-workers, customers) that that yardstick has gotten much shorter for the most part and it's much easier to get along. 


Of course there are those FEW that will continue to be assholes - but they are the exception to the rule.

CLOSURE

It's a new year. Hell - it's BEEN a new year hasn't it? I've been trying to put the past year behind, but here it is another new year and the same crap boggles my mind - keeps me awake when I can't sleep. I woke the other night and started thinking about the same old story that haunted me last year. Not just me - everyone it touched at work and beyond. So, I am going to excise my demons - put it right out here.......so here is an open letter I wrote to the person back in July 2009 but never sent. Maybe if it is in the open it will go away and people won't think we are demons for what we did and how we treated people..........

An open letter *****

It’s after midnight again and I’m not able to sleep. Tonight I got a call from your Mother asking me what is going on. Why should I have to explain to her what is going on with you? You did not care to return any phone calls or e-mail so what’s to tell. Let me tell you what I did tell her………….I started with the story I was told and what I came to find out…..

10:45 AM……Driving thru (fast food chain) on that fateful morning you have pains – go into the store – there is blood – go back to the car and drive yourself to the hospital across the street. No time to think – I guess you parked the car and walked into the ER. In the ER you deliver vaginally full term baby. It’s never explained to me (or anyone that can remember) exactly what happened – born dead? Born alive and died? You get to hold the baby, name the baby – fill out all the necessary paperwork. Talk to a grief counselor and tell them you cannot stay at the hospital and will go home. They give you instructions on what to look for (????) and off you go. Wait outside on a park bench for EX (I guess you had the sense to bring in a change of clothes on your trip to the fast food place that morning) 3PM – that’s the time he said he got you on the bench and took you to his place to wait for another family member to pick you up. (maybe it was 4PM - we'll give you another hour)

Your Mother tells the story this way except **** picked you up at the hospital and brought you home – I guess that was around 6:30PM or 7PM and advises all of the above except the baby was born with the cord around his neck and a feint heartbeat. Your Mother advises that you are having the baby cremated. – She is under the impression it was done already. (Father was told it was done already, yet you told others it hadn't been done yet AND that the hospital was taking care of it)

I told your Mother that it’s not possible for all that to have happened and be home at 3. I asked her where the picture of the baby was. The baby’s bracelet, hat, certificate with hand and footprints? I told her that *** got all that when she lost her baby at 5 months. Surely they did that for full term?

I pointed out that you got around quite well 24 hours later for someone losing so much blood – no dizzy spells – sitting on your feet – up and down without any visible discomfort. How about that?? (been a long time since I had a baby, but it's a discomfort I remember well)

I told your Mother how you stopped returning anyone’s calls – so we all stopped trying. But that didn't stop the questions.

I told your Mother how SECRET the whole pregnancy was at first. Only a need to know and only a few at a time. For so happy an occasion it was treated like a spy mission. I mentioned that there were NO ultrasounds being shown to everyone and the only one was a Photoshop ultrasound with no name or date or doctors name on it – just a part of an ultrasound that could have been anyone’s. Your Mother never saw an ultrasound either. You know what she said? She said MAYBE SHE WAS NEVER PREGNANT. Of course we can’t believe your Mother now can we? She’s a drunk and a crazy woman and she never accepted the whole thing anyway because she didn’t like the baby daddy.

We talked about how baby daddy announced to everyone at the shower how this baby was planned with love – as opposed to the “accident” you told everyone in work that it was. I told her I got the impression from him at the shower that this baby was all about him and there isn’t ANY WAY I would believe he would not have been down here even if it was to get his sons remains. I told her I think he knows more than we ever will. And your Mother said – MAYBE SHE WAS NEVER PREGNANT (FOR THE SECOND TIME)

You Mother pointed out that all the shower stuff is still in the front rooms. NOTHING had been done to get the room ready for her “son”. This most wanted child. It was still a computer room that fateful morning. Gifts still sit in boxes and bags.

AND SPEAKING OF THAT MORNING……let’s back up to the prior day when we took you home after you got so violently ill at work. You said your Mother was upstairs getting ready and was taking you to the Doctors. YOUR MOTHER DIDN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT. SHE NEVER TOOK YOU TO THE DOCTORS – AT ANY TIME DURING YOUR PREGNANCY INCLUDING YOUR EMERGENCY ROOM VISIT FOR YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE

That morning your Mother asked if you were going to the Doctors and you said yes AND you TOOK THE DAY OFF FROM WORK. She didn’t know you were officially on Maternity leave as of the day before.

Your Mother is as confused and full of questions as everyone at work. I made no secret of the fact that I’ve had it and can no longer be party to this farce.

Your Mother said that your Family doctor is treating you for anxiety and depression. I believe that is probably true – your are depressed because baby daddy found out you were never pregnant or lost the baby early on and he dumped your ass. You are suffering from anxiety because you dug this hole and don’t know how to get out so you will act indignant and try to make everyone feel bad for doubting you. I told your Mother that she could have cleared everything up with discharge papers from the hospital and a note from the treating physician at the hospital – and if she really WAS seeing a therapist and not some online friend in a chat room she could have gotten a back up note from them as well. NO ONE WOULD HAVE DOUBTED THAT.

I told your Mother how you have changed I told her I didn’t like the person you became over the last two years. I don’t know who you are. You told me early on in your "pregnancy" that you were sure that you would not have a job after the baby was born. I said that was insane. Little did I realize you probably had it all planned out then.

At some point I’ll get over all this bullshit and be able to sleep, but in the meantime I’ll sit and wonder into the night what could possibly make a person do what you did and not think they had to pay?

I gave you every opportunity to say you lost the baby early on - that you had a breakdown - that you didn't know what to do - we all could have accepted and forgiven something so tragic. The person you are now is a deceitful, and manipulative and I think you are now looking for a way to punish everyone for not believing your lies.

I hope you can’t sleep at night.

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The upside is I have not been alone with my doubts. Even the father of the child has his doubts. I do know that everyone who was touched by this incident looked into the possibility that we could be wrong. Nothing was ever done to clarify any of it. It was confirmed that no hospital would deliver anyone in an emergency room. It was confirmed that there would be a birth/death certificate - none of which is on record. It was confirmed that there was no record of this person in any hospital on that given day.

And yes - she can sleep at night - quite well - as I hear she is engaged to be married to the father of an old friend.

Staycation

Sunrise - African reserve.

OBVIOUSLY NOT WHERE I AM. sigh.........

Someone coined that name for a stay-at-home vacation. That's what I have been having the past few weeks now. Since I had to use my vacation days (or lose them) I chose to take every Friday off until the end of the year - throw in a Monday here and there and then start fresh next year. It amazes me that people get so upset because you don't take a "vacation". Well - you have to be able to AFFORD a vacation - not just have the time. Times are tough so we are mastering the art of the "staycation".

So - my first Friday I didn't make any real plans to do anything - just play it by ear - run some errands - take care of some personal stuff - maybe sleep in. Well - cancel the sleeping in with two small dogs (with small bladders). Cancel the running errands - it's pouring rain. Who wants to run around outside doing anything? But that's OK - it's a nice lazy day to kick back do nothing and catch up on everything on the DVR. No harm.

Second Friday. Rain again. Forget getting the car washed. You would think with all the damn rain the car would be clean for Gods sake! Another lost Friday. I was beginning to wonder if how I chose my days off was a gift I inherited from my husband who also had bad luck with days off and golf dates.

But this Friday was wonderful - and since I don't have this coming Friday off I had Monday, so I had a 4 day week-end or 2 staycation days. And I was rewarded with two glorious days finally! The Up side to this staying at home has been that I've actually relaxed and not thought about work. I am enjoying my 4 day work weeks immensely. Everyone who knows me knows that I like my job. Doesn't matter that I bitch and complain all the time - that's just my way of venting. There is never any threat that I will go "postal". I don't keep anything bottled up at work. But I do think that a 4 day work week would do everyone in the office good. (Not to mention the $ it could save the management) I bet it could cut back on the Monday/Friday sicknesses. But that could be another blog.


I have decided tho on my official day off there would be a rule - NO housework, nothing that I normally do on the week ends - that my day off would be strictly for me. Now that I've gotten the hang of it I can say without a doubt it is REFRESHING! Don't get me wrong - I would love to take a real vacation, get away someplace on my hit list, but I realize now that I would need a staycation to recover from a vacation, not to mention a second job to cover the costs.

The Way We Were

Silly title for this post I know, but it's what comes to mind. I saw something this weekend about the US Post Office and how they are losing money and talking about going to a 5 day work week, etc, etc. It just got me to thinking how so many things have changed. And how impersonal everything has gotten. It doesn't bother me t hat the Post Office wants to do a 5 day work week. That just makes sense.


One of the obvious reasons there is less mail is that more people are paying their bills and shopping on the Internet. More people are sending e-mails and e-cards and not writing letters and sending good Old Hallmark paper greetings. So easy to sit at a computer screen and point, click and it's done! Bill paid, money transferred, card sent. No personal interaction. I have to admit I can't remember the last time I actually had to go into a bank. I'm guilty of using the Internet to bank and pay bills tho since it is so much more convenient and immediate. I still prefer to send a card in the mail with a handwritten signature and a fun US Stamp. People nowadays have pretty much forgotten how to write a letter I think. I enjoy it and have taken to writing more than I have in the recent past, since I realized that e-mail is too impersonal.


And while we are on the subject of impersonal - let's talk about phones. And how many people are really using them to talk that much? Texting. Tweeting. Facebooking. That's how we are socializing now days. People go into coronary shock if they leave the house and they don't have their phone. Of course there are some that that wouldn't ever happen to since they are never OFF the phone. And when you do happen to actually be in the company of someone - actually socializing face to face - nothing is more irritating than having them constantly checking the phone - responding to texts, twitters and god knows what else. It's Rude - it was rude when I was a child when people interrupted a conversation and it is still rude. If you're out with someone and spending time with them, then turn the fucking phone OFF people. Pretend you are in a movie. How did people ever drive ANYPLACE before having a phone? MAYBE THEY SPOKE TO THEIR PASSENGERS ??? Isn't that novel? No passengers? Maybe they sang along to the radio or enjoyed the ride without chattering constantly. NO GPS? How in Gods name did we EVER find where we were going ????? Paper maps - WTF??


And don't even ask me about drivers who TEXT while driving.........

Long Weekend with the Kids

I finally took a few days off and I have to admit it was nice. Even tho the alarm didn't go off at 6:00 AM each day, the body-clock woke me around 7:30 as if to say YOU'RE LATE ! Of course the kids didn't mind rolling over as long as they could curl up on the bed for another hour.

So -for the most part I didn't do anything extraordinary - it was a real "stay-cation". Tentative plans didn't pan out so I treated myself to a little shopping trip - paid a visit to DSW and topped it all off with lunch at Magnolia Grill. I managed to walk the entire store and NOT purchase one thing. Well - OK - just one, but I needed a magazine to read while I was eating lunch!

It was Grand! Taking long walks with the dogs at least 3x a day and doing those little chores you never feel like doing and push aside. One mess was a "password" list I created over the years for all the websites that I have accounts with - and inside the yellow file folder was additional pieces of paper with log in information for all sorts of sites. As you can see Carmel held all the paper down for me so the fan didn't blow them away. My fuzzy paperweight!

I got to see first hand how Gaston redecorated the living room floor. Every day when I would leave there would be a blanket on the sofa and a blanket on the love seat. When I came home they were on the floor - and sometimes in another room. Here is Gaston finishing up......

And here is what he was preparing it for......

Had to share so Melinda can see the kids. Now I'm going to go read Harry Potter for awhile and not think about work tomorrow.

Rent or Own - Relationship or Booty call......

OK - so it's not the best analogy, but at my age the latter works out very well. I've been asked WHY. Let's consider the Pros shall we?

Why I rent an apartment:

1. Renting I do not have property taxes.
2. Renting I do not have to pay for repairs.
3. Renting I do not have to shovel snow.
4. Renting I do not have to mow grass.
5. Renting - I can move with 90 days notice.

Why I prefer a booty call:

1. I don't have to cook for him.
2. I don't have to clean for him.
3. I don't have to do his laundry.
4. I don't have to attend family or business functions.
5. I don't have to spend time with his family.
6. I don't have to "check in" every day.

I honestly don' t know that I would like to own my own home at this point in time - and I think it would take a very special man to make me want to change what arrangement I have right now. I think what I really need is a Mother or a Wife. Someone who will be here when I get home to have dinner on the table since I don't eat properly (cooking for one sucks) and possibly having a nice breakfast ready as well. I don't mind the household chores so I really think a part-time Mom would be nice.

If you know of anyone - tell them to call!

Another Birthday bites the dust

Birthdays just plain bite at my age, but you gotta love the cheesecake.

Cheesecake is what I get for my birthday at work and it is so worth not eating lunch to have a second slice.

PLAIN cheesecake tho - no fruit - no flavors - plain old cheesecake thank you. The others are okay, but there is nothing like it. Those that know me know what I normally say, so I'll leave that blank today.

Not like it's a "G" rated blog or anything - I mean - look at the card I got - that says it all about me.

Saturday my girlfriend Pat drove up from Baltimore to spend the afternoon to celebrate my birthday as well. We went to lunch at Magnolia Grill in West Chester. If you haven't been there you are missing a real treat. After lunch we did a little shopping and hung out since we don't get to hang out anymore since they've moved to Maryland to take care of their Granddaughter.

Saturday evening was spent quietly with another unnamed friend and I guess you can say we hung out too - LOL. I address that in another blog. We'll just call it why booty calls are better than dating.

So - I guess I've left myself wide open on that one. Till next time. Gotta get the kids out for their last PP!